10 Reasons to Celebrate Being Short
20 May 2012 Leave a Comment
in Lessons from Life Tags: celebrate being short, driverless cars, front row of photos, soothing the ego of a shorter partner, spend on high heels
With so much hype about supermodels, it is time the petite women of the world stood up to be counted. If you like me are about 5 ft or 150 cms tall, here are ten reasons to celebrate being short. with a dose of tongue-in-cheek humour.
1. You have an excuse for approaching good-looking men in the supermarket. Of course the item you want is always at the back on one of the top three shelves. When there is not even a taller woman in sight, you use your highly developed skill of climbing the supermarket shelves like a monkey.
2. When minis are in fashion, the dresses are a respectable length for you. Even three-quarter length pants can become ankle-length on you. The money you save on alterations can be spent on high-heel shoes.
3. You can take more clothes on holidays as your clothes take up less space. You can also pack in more shoes for your tiny feet. Suddenly there is space left over for all the new clothes you intend to buy.
4. If desperate, you can shop in the kid’s department. Well, that works up to the age of 30. After that, forget it. Who wants to look like an aging Miley Cyrus?
5. You never have to worry about soothing the ego of a shorter partner as 99.9% of them will be taller than you. Then you can wear high heels to your heart’s content.
6. You never have to duck under low branches or low obstacles. This one really does hurt if you get it wrong.
7. You can have fun frightening the life out of people who think the car coming down the street is driverless. This works best when you drive a big car rather than a small to medium-sized car.
8. If no one else loves you, little children do. You are just the right height to play with them.
9. You will keep you children happy (especially your sons) as it will only be a few years before they are taller than you. Actually most children over 10 are taller than you.
10. You always get to be in the front row of photos. This may be a two-edged sword because all of you is on display, especially on the day you choose to wear that short skirt. Sometimes you may want to hide in the middle row where only your face is visible.
There are many more benefits to being short. So stand tall, walk confidently and smile knowing what fun the rest of the world is missing out on.
Market Day
31 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
in Lessons from Life Tags: active contributor to society, friendly recoignition missing, market day
(This was one of a series of monthly articles I wrote in 2003 for the magazine ‘Succulent’ which closed down quite a few years ago. I believe the idea of extending yourself to new experiences is still relevant today.)
This month I took a chance and did something different. I took a stall at the local Markets. (Not here. These markets are in La Spezia, Italy.)
The week before I had checked it out. It wasn’t far from home, didn’t cost much and I could come on whatever weeks suited me. I tried to stay cool as I was told that I had to be there between 4.30 to 5 am to get a reasonable spot for a 6 am start.
I was going there to generate leads for my second love. It’s my new venture into multi-level marketing of a product that fits in nicely with my main business. An additional bonus is the opportunity to spend mother-daughter time together with my mum on a joint project to record her family history. (I have since left that business.)
With encouragement, support and some borrowed items from my upline, I was quite excited about experiencing a different kind of work. Saturday night was spent organising and packing the car. The weather forecast said ‘showery periods’ –whatever that means. I packed some old towels, plastic bags to protect my display items and a rain jacket to throw over the table.
Up at 3.30 am. Shower. Is that rain I hear as I get out the shower? Yes, but it will pass soon. Breakfast. Pack the water and snacks to keep me going. Dress. At 4.35 am I reverse out the garage and off to my market. It’s still dark but not raining.
I’m amazed to find that at 4.45 am most of the stall holders are here and almost set up. By 5.30 am the first of the people are arriving to shop for their fruit and vegetables. A short shower at 6 am sees me covering up items. The kindly man beside me offers me space in his truck if it rains harder. But it stops and I set up again.
This is a whole new world for me and I am a keen observer as I wait for customers. It’s an overcast day but that doesn’t stop the people from coming. Many come not only to buy but also to exchange friendly conversations with regular stall-holders. Maybe that friendly recognition is missing from our large shopping centres.
I learn from the friendly man beside me that you have to be persistent. You have to stick at it so that the shoppers learn to trust you and know that you are there for them and not just out to make a quick dollar. My neighbour was very proud of his products. He and his wife worked hard during the week to produce the best quality plants for their customers. He inspired and reminded me that pride in your product makes you walk taller and speak confidently to those you meet.
I’ve read that there are 400 million entrepreneurs in the world. Not all of them are out to be millionaires. Some at the markets make enough money to support their business for the next week. Some make enough to have to work only this one day a week. Some sell excess product and some buy cheaply elsewhere and sell for profit here. Some are creative and they spend their week in making things or growing plants to sell on Sundays. People of all ages are here and many come for the friendships they make with other stall-holders.
In 2003, our Prime Minister said that people will have to keep working up to the age of 70. He thought that they would work in regular week-day jobs. I see many of them here working their way and not the way anyone else thinks they should. At the markets many people are working not to be rich but as a reason to stay active, alert and alive. The money is a supplement to the physical and mental health of being an active contributor to society.
Sore feet. Sunburn. I took the sunscreen but forgot to use it as it was overcast. A headache as I also forget to drink enough water at regular intervals. A few leads to follow up. Immense pride in myself that I’d risen at 3.30 am and lasted till 12 noon. I’ll be back. I want to be a winner like the people around me. Where others have gone, I can go too. If you stay and extend the hand of friendship, others will teach you how to survive and thrive.
PS – Yes, I did go back a few more times. These markets have since been replaced by a Shopping Plaza.
Resigning as General Manager of the Universe
07 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
in Lessons from Life Tags: dose of everyday courage, everyday courage, general manager of the universe, resigning as general manager of the universe, self-appointed general manager of the universe
I was reading Marci Shimoff’s ‘Happy for No Reason’ when I read that she was resigning as General Manager of the Universe.
Ouch! I thought. That is me too. It was a lightbulb moment; so I wrote this for me and all the Universe’s General Managers out there.
I have resigned from my self-appointed position as General Manager of the Universe.
Sometimes when life gets to feeling ‘ugh’ I run back to my old position. God takes my hand and gently leads me to the front door and says ‘Margaret, I have enough General Managers in here without you coming back. Off you go and follow your new path.’
With a small dose of everyday courage, I step ouside and dive into life again.
Permission to Succeed
07 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
in Lessons from Life Tags: control of your future, goal focus, mind shift, permission to succeed
I remember as a child when the local Youth Club was first established and my parents encouraged me to join. The choice of activities was mine. So at 11 I became a marching girl, at 13 a hockey player and at 16 I started to learn judo. I only realized it recently but when I joined both my parents and the instructors gave me their permission to succeed. All the youth club members were learning to play to win – to achieve awards and win competitions. There was no shame if you lost. We just never went along for something to do. We were there every week giving 100% and striving to achieve our personal best.
When I was a teenager, my dream was to be a teacher. It came apart when my father died unexpectedly. A year later again my mother gave me her permission to succeed by telling me that if I won a teacher’s scholarship she could find the funds to help me achieve my dream. I had a goal – something to focus on. Study had a purpose and not once did I believe that I would not achieve it. Someone who cared about me believed in me. Like a child on a swing here was the push. It was up to me how high I flew.
Can you remember coming home and telling your spouse, partner, parent or family member that someone mentioned an interesting business option you might like to follow up. If the response you got was ‘go for it if you want it’, you also got that permission to succeed. The doubts disappeared and you went for it. I’ll bet you got it because that belief in you propelled you forward.
A number of years ago while teaching I took over looking after the school’s four hockey teams. Each Saturday as they boarded the bus an hour or more before the game, it shocked me to hear them discussing how many goals they would be beaten by. No one had given them permission to succeed. When they saw I was serious about making changes, their responses amazed me. I had aimed only to improve their self-esteem. Giving them permission to succeed and permission to win brought back many club players who were not currently playing for their school. It had the girls seeking out great coaches and it energized the parents into giving generously in all sorts of ways to support their daughters and me in building teams of winners. There was a mind shift and our goals changed. Four years after I started we had a premiership winning team and 56 girls who were proud to say they were school hockey players.
Giving yourself or someone else ‘permission to succeed’ is the most powerful gift you can give.
When you are tired out and pressured at work, the days seem never-ending. You want to make changes but may fear the unknown. Stop! If there’s no one else who will give you permission to succeed and permission to win, you CAN give it to yourself. Permission to succeed at whatever you set yourself as a goal has the effect of giving your life meaning. There’s a reason to bounce out of bed in the morning. There’s a reason to learn that new skill. There’s a reason to revitalize your work, your family or your relationship. You become determined to find a way to write that new script for your life. Having put the intention out there God, the Universe, the Angels (whatever you believe in) gets to work to help you with opportunities and ideas you would not have thought possible before you gave yourself that permission to take control of your future.
My husband and I six years ago bought a Lilly Pilly plant. The label stated ‘shrub – maximum height 2 metres’. We planted it in the front garden. Four years later given water, sunshine and a sunny position, it was at least 5 metres tall and still growing. A beautiful shrub/tree given permission to succeed just grew to its maximum potential. Plants can’t read. Be like our Lilly Pilly. Ignore the labels on your life.
If you have that secret dream or are unsure what to do next, give yourself ‘permission to succeed’ and see what happens.
Words of Gratitude: This article was inspired by a talk by Iven Frangi recorded on an early Business Swap ‘Sound Advice’ CD. Amongst other points, Iven spoke about the CEO of Porsche giving his Research Department ‘Permission to Perform’ and then Porsche won Le Mans 4 years in a row.
(This was one of a series of monthly articles I wrote in 2003 for the magazine ‘Succulent’ which closed down quite a few years ago. I believe it is still relevant today.)
Have You Made a Promise or a Commitment?
14 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
in Lessons from Life Tags: a promise you deliver, commitments and actions, do something out of the ordinary, glorious future, how to say no without feeling guilty, losers make promises, new positive habits, new year resolutions, partner in our project, positive habits, predictable past, promise or commitment, promises to other people, promises to ourselves, secret to success, turn promises to commitments, winners make commitments
By the time you read this article it will be a month into the New Year. Did you make any New Year Resolutions?
Were they the same as last year’s? Or the year before? Have you made the same resolutions for many years? Maybe you made some new ones? Are you determined to succeed this time? Or have you given them up already?
In the first flush of anything new – whether a new year, a new job, a new relationship – we make promises to ourselves. This is our new beginning and we like the promise of something changing for the better. But a short time later we suddenly discover that nothing has changed. The glorious future has become like our predictable past. We get discouraged and fill our heads with lots of negative messages about our failure. We say ‘I tried it and it didn’t work!’
What’s the secret to success? I was reading ‘Don’t Die with the Music in You’ by Wayne Bennett and these words jumped out at me. ‘Winners make commitments; losers make promises.’
It was an Ahha moment. The pile of paperwork on my desk, the long To Do List, the Fitball sitting in the corner of the room, the unused Cookbooks, even this article written the day before it’s due – all promises. Cluttering up my life with unfinished things. Unfinished things cause stress. They reinforce our negative view of ourselves as we pass them by and say ‘I’ll get to that soon.’
Then we make promises to other people. Sometimes we intend to keep them. And sometimes we make them because we don’t know how to say ‘no’ without feeling guilty or feeling that we have hurt their feelings.
A commitment is a promise you deliver. You really have a burning desire to do it. Commitments are positive habits which free up your life. Commitments mean you answer that letter or email straight away. It doesn’t sit on your desk for two weeks to two months. Things come in, things go out. You make that phone call, you sit down and create a plan for losing that weight, you read that book you bought or you investigate how to make that dream come true.
Promises are words. They cost nothing. Commitments are actions. They cost something as they come with the possibility of either succeeding or not succeeding. You often have to do something out of the ordinary to honour a commitment to yourself or to someone else.
We‘re going through the process of having our old carpets replaced with new ones. We also need some squeaky floorboards fixed between the ripping up of the old carpets and the laying of the new ones. The salesman at the company we chose said that while they did not fix squeaky floorboards, he knew some carpenters he could recommend. Being close to Christmas, he offered to call his first choice as he told us the carpenter would probably say ‘no’ if we rang but ‘yes’ if he asked the favour. It was a promise we believed. He didn’t use the words ‘promise’ or ‘commitment’ but his actions have shown us that he is committed to giving us the very best service. We’ve had numerous phone calls to keep us informed as he’s organised the carpenter and the carpet-layers. Just today as I write this, I’ve received another call telling us the carpenter will be here tomorrow afternoon not tomorrow morning as he has just been called to an emergency and said that the carpenter will probably call us himself. Do I believe him? I sure do. Will everything go well over the next two days? I have no doubts. Our salesman has developed the habits of commitment. It seems just natural to him to look after his customers. Will we recommend that carpet firm and Doug the salesman to others? We sure will. He isn’t just an order taker. He is a partner in our project.
Why don’t we turn all promises into commitments? Maybe it’s because we subconsciously don’t feel it’s a win-win situation. A promise is a win for someone else as we agree to do something for them. A commitment is a win for someone else and a win for us. We see an obvious benefit for ourselves. Whether it’s clearing the clutter, looking and feeling healthier, going in a new direction or being the best salesperson, you commit when there’s something positive in it for you.
Did you make new year promises or new year commitments? At any time you can turn a promise into a commitment. Change your language.
Start saying ‘I commit to …..’ and see what new, positive habits you can create in your life.
(This was one of a series of monthly articles I wrote in 2003 for the magazine ‘Succulent’ which closed down quite a few years ago. I believe it is still relevant today.)
Acknowledging the End
14 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
in Lessons from Life Tags: exist rather than live, expanding a hobby interest into a career, fish out of water, have no regrets, I don't lvve it enough, in control of my life, learn the lessons, never too late to be in control, new glowing future, not meant to be a fish, passion to live and breathe it fulltime, square peg in a square hole, the end, time for a change, time to move on, walk away with no regrets, where to go next
Before I sat down to write this article in August 2003, I was flipping through the Sunday paper. I never totally ignore the Sports pages at the back – I just look at the pictures and read the headlines. One stood out. It said ‘I didn’t quite love the game enough’. It intrigued me. Not because I’m interested in rugby union but because I am interested in people.
The article was written by Andrew Slack and he was publicly acknowledging that while he enjoyed playing rugby union for many years as a hobby, it lost its sheen when he took up a full-time coaching position. He wrote about enjoying rugby union, knowing a bit about it and being involved in it for almost 40 years. One year after expanding this hobby interest to make it his career he discovered that he did not have the passion to live and breathe it full-time. He knew that he had enjoyment and not passion for the game when he read an article about Brisbane Lions Australian Football League coach, Leigh Matthews. The article stated that at a coaching session in the pouring rain, Leigh was exactly where he wanted to be. Andrew Slack realised that in a similar situation coaching at Ballymore Oval, he would not feel the same way. The important thing he discovered was that he enjoyed it for so long because of the people and not the game. Andrew Slack walked away from coaching rugby union with no regrets.
There are lessons from this story. One of the hardest sentences to say to others and ourselves is ‘It’s over and it’s time to move on’.
It is easy when we have been planning and anticipating a change – a new job, a new city or a new person to go to. We happily look forward to a new phase in our life. There are no regrets as we move on and our thoughts are all about our new, glowing future.
It is really hard when, like Andrew Slack, we have to acknowledge to ourselves that what we thought we loved with a passion, we now just only enjoy or tolerate. We exist rather than live. Like Leigh Matthews can we say that on the most miserable day, we still enjoy the challenge of being where we are? It is passion that gives our life meaning. It is comfort and boredom and fear that keep us in a state of ‘existing’.
If you enjoy where you are only because of the people, you are short-changing yourself. Would you still stay friends with those people if you moved on? Why can’t you have both a job/relationship/life you love and people you enjoy associating with?
YOU CAN.
We have been taught that we must find the one thing – a job, a relationship – and stay there forever. Like a square peg in a square hole. Then people can stop worrying about you because you are safe and not a problem any more. I once saw a billboard ad for ‘Career One’ (a recruitment company) which stated ‘If you feel like a fish out of water, maybe you’re not meant to be a fish.’ You can feel like a fish out of water at any time.
We are reluctant to admit publicly, like Andrew Slack, that we don’t love doing what we are currently doing or who we are with any more. We see it as a failure to admit this. Others say to us ‘But you’re good at it.’ or ‘But you get on so well together.’ ‘Why do you want to change or leave your job?’ Because in our hearts we know that the passion has died and we are just existing.
There is no shame in acknowledging that you have given you all to something and there is nothing more to give or nowhere else to go in that space that can provide a challenge for you. Life is about growing and when you have been on a plateau for a long time, it’s time for a change.
To be in control, it is necessary to start thinking of the end of this phase of your life long before it is forced on you. Don’t settle in the comfort of your existing space but start thinking of where you want to go next. When the end comes, you are not left stranded but can happily say like Andrew ‘I gave it everything and I leave with no regrets’.
You are here to do or be more than just one thing in your life. Accept that things end and if others do not want to see you, move on. That is their problem not yours. Stay where you are and you are at the mercy of others who will decide your life for you. It is never too late to be in control of your life from now on.
Learn the lessons and have no regrets.
(This was one of a series of monthly articles I wrote for the magazine ‘Succulent’ which closed down quite a few years ago. I believe it is still relevant today.)
Make peace with your Mum
02 Nov 2011 11 Comments
Sometimes photos lie.
They can tell the truth for one person but the other person may be hiding unresolved emotions.In this photo of me and my mum in 2005 that’s the way it was for me – unresolved anger.
Saturday is the first anniversary of my 90-year old mum’s passing. This is my legacy from her and a plea to you.
Just after this photo was taken, a friend and his sister visited me. I was overwhelmed by the anger she felt that her long-deceased mum had never appreciated her and her talents. It was still consuming
her. On that day I thought ‘I don’t want to be angry at my mum after she dies.’ That started a journey of which I’ll share a little with you.
Zena, Warrior Princess – no more
I have always been the one my mum turned to, to solve her problems. My dad died 50 years ago. Eldest child! Only daughter! Cultural expectations of women! So Zena, Warrior Princess, champion of the world’s downtrodden (my alter ego) was born. Over time at the first few words of my mum’s problem, I would drown out the rest of her words and start mentally solving it my way. It got so that in her later years, I dreaded visiting her in the nursing home. ‘Oh no! what’s going to be wrong today?’ would be my over-riding thought.
A lovely lady showed me how to look at it differently. Maybe mum had solved her own problems and was only giving me her weekly news report. Oh! I was assuming, not listening to all she said. Zena laid down her sword and stopped saving mum and the world. Life became more peaceful as I listened to every word and only stepped in when asked.
They’re Only Words
I will admit to being super-sensitive. I hated mum asking me ‘Why are you so happy?’ I felt she didn’t like me as I am (an optimist) and that I was not allowed to be happy if she wasn’t. What stories we weave around other people’s words.
The same lovely lady asked me to consider that this question was habit, maybe a family phrase from mum’s younger days. They were about her life experiences, not a criticism of me. Oh! I didn’t have to change me to please my mum. When I changed my reaction to that question, I never heard my mum speak those words again. They had taught me the lesson I needed to learn and they left.
Love and Let Love
Like my friend’s sister, I longed for my mum’s appreciation and thanks. I wanted words of appreciation. I never heard them.
I had read a book on how introverts and extroverts act and think differently. It was a talk by Leo Petrik on this topic that triggered the ‘Aha’ moment. Some lessons take longer than others to absorb.
My mum was an introvert and spoken words of praise was not her natural way. She did appreciate and love me – her way not my way. I suddenly realised that the care she took when choosing cards for those who meant the most to her was her way of saying ‘I love and appreciate you’. I’d read her cards to me before. This time I re-read them with love and new eyes.
My mum stayed true to herself. I had changed and become wiser. Our last years together were spent joyously.
My mum died peacefully a year ago. I had no tears of anger or regret. Just loving memories and peace.
Some family traumas are harder to reconcile and need more professional help than I can give. If your relationship with you mum or anyone is about everyday challenges, then I leave you my mum’s legacy in this article.
My anger has gone and I can now look at this photo above with love. It sits where I can see it every day.
