Have You Made a Promise or a Commitment?
14 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
in Lessons from Life Tags: a promise you deliver, commitments and actions, do something out of the ordinary, glorious future, how to say no without feeling guilty, losers make promises, new positive habits, new year resolutions, partner in our project, positive habits, predictable past, promise or commitment, promises to other people, promises to ourselves, secret to success, turn promises to commitments, winners make commitments
By the time you read this article it will be a month into the New Year. Did you make any New Year Resolutions?
Were they the same as last year’s? Or the year before? Have you made the same resolutions for many years? Maybe you made some new ones? Are you determined to succeed this time? Or have you given them up already?
In the first flush of anything new – whether a new year, a new job, a new relationship – we make promises to ourselves. This is our new beginning and we like the promise of something changing for the better. But a short time later we suddenly discover that nothing has changed. The glorious future has become like our predictable past. We get discouraged and fill our heads with lots of negative messages about our failure. We say ‘I tried it and it didn’t work!’
What’s the secret to success? I was reading ‘Don’t Die with the Music in You’ by Wayne Bennett and these words jumped out at me. ‘Winners make commitments; losers make promises.’
It was an Ahha moment. The pile of paperwork on my desk, the long To Do List, the Fitball sitting in the corner of the room, the unused Cookbooks, even this article written the day before it’s due – all promises. Cluttering up my life with unfinished things. Unfinished things cause stress. They reinforce our negative view of ourselves as we pass them by and say ‘I’ll get to that soon.’
Then we make promises to other people. Sometimes we intend to keep them. And sometimes we make them because we don’t know how to say ‘no’ without feeling guilty or feeling that we have hurt their feelings.
A commitment is a promise you deliver. You really have a burning desire to do it. Commitments are positive habits which free up your life. Commitments mean you answer that letter or email straight away. It doesn’t sit on your desk for two weeks to two months. Things come in, things go out. You make that phone call, you sit down and create a plan for losing that weight, you read that book you bought or you investigate how to make that dream come true.
Promises are words. They cost nothing. Commitments are actions. They cost something as they come with the possibility of either succeeding or not succeeding. You often have to do something out of the ordinary to honour a commitment to yourself or to someone else.
We‘re going through the process of having our old carpets replaced with new ones. We also need some squeaky floorboards fixed between the ripping up of the old carpets and the laying of the new ones. The salesman at the company we chose said that while they did not fix squeaky floorboards, he knew some carpenters he could recommend. Being close to Christmas, he offered to call his first choice as he told us the carpenter would probably say ‘no’ if we rang but ‘yes’ if he asked the favour. It was a promise we believed. He didn’t use the words ‘promise’ or ‘commitment’ but his actions have shown us that he is committed to giving us the very best service. We’ve had numerous phone calls to keep us informed as he’s organised the carpenter and the carpet-layers. Just today as I write this, I’ve received another call telling us the carpenter will be here tomorrow afternoon not tomorrow morning as he has just been called to an emergency and said that the carpenter will probably call us himself. Do I believe him? I sure do. Will everything go well over the next two days? I have no doubts. Our salesman has developed the habits of commitment. It seems just natural to him to look after his customers. Will we recommend that carpet firm and Doug the salesman to others? We sure will. He isn’t just an order taker. He is a partner in our project.
Why don’t we turn all promises into commitments? Maybe it’s because we subconsciously don’t feel it’s a win-win situation. A promise is a win for someone else as we agree to do something for them. A commitment is a win for someone else and a win for us. We see an obvious benefit for ourselves. Whether it’s clearing the clutter, looking and feeling healthier, going in a new direction or being the best salesperson, you commit when there’s something positive in it for you.
Did you make new year promises or new year commitments? At any time you can turn a promise into a commitment. Change your language.
Start saying ‘I commit to …..’ and see what new, positive habits you can create in your life.
(This was one of a series of monthly articles I wrote in 2003 for the magazine ‘Succulent’ which closed down quite a few years ago. I believe it is still relevant today.)
Acknowledging the End
14 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
in Lessons from Life Tags: exist rather than live, expanding a hobby interest into a career, fish out of water, have no regrets, I don't lvve it enough, in control of my life, learn the lessons, never too late to be in control, new glowing future, not meant to be a fish, passion to live and breathe it fulltime, square peg in a square hole, the end, time for a change, time to move on, walk away with no regrets, where to go next
Before I sat down to write this article in August 2003, I was flipping through the Sunday paper. I never totally ignore the Sports pages at the back – I just look at the pictures and read the headlines. One stood out. It said ‘I didn’t quite love the game enough’. It intrigued me. Not because I’m interested in rugby union but because I am interested in people.
The article was written by Andrew Slack and he was publicly acknowledging that while he enjoyed playing rugby union for many years as a hobby, it lost its sheen when he took up a full-time coaching position. He wrote about enjoying rugby union, knowing a bit about it and being involved in it for almost 40 years. One year after expanding this hobby interest to make it his career he discovered that he did not have the passion to live and breathe it full-time. He knew that he had enjoyment and not passion for the game when he read an article about Brisbane Lions Australian Football League coach, Leigh Matthews. The article stated that at a coaching session in the pouring rain, Leigh was exactly where he wanted to be. Andrew Slack realised that in a similar situation coaching at Ballymore Oval, he would not feel the same way. The important thing he discovered was that he enjoyed it for so long because of the people and not the game. Andrew Slack walked away from coaching rugby union with no regrets.
There are lessons from this story. One of the hardest sentences to say to others and ourselves is ‘It’s over and it’s time to move on’.
It is easy when we have been planning and anticipating a change – a new job, a new city or a new person to go to. We happily look forward to a new phase in our life. There are no regrets as we move on and our thoughts are all about our new, glowing future.
It is really hard when, like Andrew Slack, we have to acknowledge to ourselves that what we thought we loved with a passion, we now just only enjoy or tolerate. We exist rather than live. Like Leigh Matthews can we say that on the most miserable day, we still enjoy the challenge of being where we are? It is passion that gives our life meaning. It is comfort and boredom and fear that keep us in a state of ‘existing’.
If you enjoy where you are only because of the people, you are short-changing yourself. Would you still stay friends with those people if you moved on? Why can’t you have both a job/relationship/life you love and people you enjoy associating with?
YOU CAN.
We have been taught that we must find the one thing – a job, a relationship – and stay there forever. Like a square peg in a square hole. Then people can stop worrying about you because you are safe and not a problem any more. I once saw a billboard ad for ‘Career One’ (a recruitment company) which stated ‘If you feel like a fish out of water, maybe you’re not meant to be a fish.’ You can feel like a fish out of water at any time.
We are reluctant to admit publicly, like Andrew Slack, that we don’t love doing what we are currently doing or who we are with any more. We see it as a failure to admit this. Others say to us ‘But you’re good at it.’ or ‘But you get on so well together.’ ‘Why do you want to change or leave your job?’ Because in our hearts we know that the passion has died and we are just existing.
There is no shame in acknowledging that you have given you all to something and there is nothing more to give or nowhere else to go in that space that can provide a challenge for you. Life is about growing and when you have been on a plateau for a long time, it’s time for a change.
To be in control, it is necessary to start thinking of the end of this phase of your life long before it is forced on you. Don’t settle in the comfort of your existing space but start thinking of where you want to go next. When the end comes, you are not left stranded but can happily say like Andrew ‘I gave it everything and I leave with no regrets’.
You are here to do or be more than just one thing in your life. Accept that things end and if others do not want to see you, move on. That is their problem not yours. Stay where you are and you are at the mercy of others who will decide your life for you. It is never too late to be in control of your life from now on.
Learn the lessons and have no regrets.
(This was one of a series of monthly articles I wrote for the magazine ‘Succulent’ which closed down quite a few years ago. I believe it is still relevant today.)
Always Check Your Rear View
13 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
in Travel Tags: holiday rear view photos, holidays, rear view, rear view in photos
When buying new clothes always check your rear view because this might happen to you.
Don’t forget to check your rear view in the change room mirrors because other people see you from the back as well as the front.
Or maybe you have a partner like mine.
When we go on holidays, I take the photos and he takes the video. Bless his soul, he does love me and that’s why he often says ‘just walk up there so I can put you in the video’. And of course, I walk that way. And there in all its glory, captured on video, is my rear view.
I’m not the only one it happens to. Maybe you too.
While on holidays recently, I watched a Japanese couple repeat the same scene. But she had a unique solution to it. She turned around and walked backwards while he videoed so that he got her front view only. Hmm! Must try that.
Garlic Butter
12 Feb 2012 3 Comments
in Recipes Tags: garlic butter, garlic butter recipe, garlic recipes
This is a basic recipe I use a lot in my cooking. I use it for creating my own Garlic Bread, when cooking a Roast Dinner, I fry Mushrooms with it and make Garlic Prawns with it. More on these at the end of the Recipe.
This Recipe is what I call a ‘bucket chemistry’ recipe. I now have lots of ‘bucket chemistry’ recipes. My husband introduced me to that phrase. When we were first married, he was an industrial chemist and they often used this principle when creating their industrial mixtures. It means the quantities are variable and you decide how much to add. It can also vary from one making to another depending on whether it’s for yourself or guests.
Here is the Garlic Butter Recipe:
- About 125 gr (4 oz) of butter – I use unsalted continental butter. You use what you like.
- About 100+ gr (3-4 oz) margarine – I use salt-reduced margarine. You use what you like.
- As many cloves of garlic as you feel game enough to use – I think I use more each time I make it but not sure of that. (If you like your garlic, make sure that your partner is eating it too because you have to share the same bed.)
- A small amount of fresh parsley – about palm size
Soften the butter.
Then mix the butter & margarine together. Mash or beat until it is smooth.it doesn’t go through your garlic mincer. The end result is to have enough parsley to be able to see that it looks like garlic butter but don’t overdo it.)
Put into small containers to freeze.
Take out when needed.
